I was under the distinct impression that attending a group specifically about gender and trans* topics would give me more fodder for my journal and give me things to write about here. Boy was I wrong...
I think the biggest thing is that I have been putting myself through the ringer with the schedule I'm holding and it's only getting worse (or better?) with National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) I've barely given myself five minutes to spend any time in my own head and figure anything out. It's been intense to say the least, but in a way that I don't even realize how far back I've had to push things just to keep functioning.
I feel like I spent more time in Toronto last week than I did at home. I was down on Wednesday and then headed back down Saturday only to come home on Monday morning just in time for work and then of course back down again on Wednesday. Today I sent a message to another group member that I'd been meaning to write days ago saying that I felt like one minute we were sitting on the subway together on the way home from group and the next here it was Saturday.
I had a new program launch at work on Friday which made the day pretty much fly by. My night in grocery on Thursday was equally as disappointing since we were practically given and impossible task list. I'm quite impressed with what we did manage to accomplish but it's still frustrating to be set up for failure. I'm not sure the manager who wrote up the plan was aware that it was an improbable proposition but I will be glad to have my grocery manager and regularly scheduled hours back for next weeks' Thursday shift.
I have this surreal feeling like my life just keeps pressing on even though I don't really feel a part of it. I'd say it's like a runaway train but it's not really like that at all, it's like gently floating down a river in an inner tube but not really knowing exactly what's around the next corner or hiding under the surface of the water. It's a very gentle ride but I'm not so sure that not having some kind of control over it is a good thing. It's one thing to go with the flow it's another thing all together to get carried away by it.
I haven't really had goals in mind in a while and I was hoping that the program would help me set my sites on them. It really is a very Toronto based program though which is quite obviously necessary because most people are coming from there but also not very relevant to me.
I'm still waiting on hearing back from CAMH. I'm hoping on possibly getting a reference for a specialist that I can have my family doctor refer me to for hormones that I can cut CAMH right out of the hormone process but that would still mean commuting somewhere, although that's the case any way that I look at the situation anyway.
I won't make any promises on updates during November although it seems like when I say that the exact opposite thing happens and suddenly not only am I writing my 1,667 words for nano but I'm also going crazy writing personal updates as well.![]()
I think the biggest thing is that I have been putting myself through the ringer with the schedule I'm holding and it's only getting worse (or better?) with National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) I've barely given myself five minutes to spend any time in my own head and figure anything out. It's been intense to say the least, but in a way that I don't even realize how far back I've had to push things just to keep functioning.
I feel like I spent more time in Toronto last week than I did at home. I was down on Wednesday and then headed back down Saturday only to come home on Monday morning just in time for work and then of course back down again on Wednesday. Today I sent a message to another group member that I'd been meaning to write days ago saying that I felt like one minute we were sitting on the subway together on the way home from group and the next here it was Saturday.
I had a new program launch at work on Friday which made the day pretty much fly by. My night in grocery on Thursday was equally as disappointing since we were practically given and impossible task list. I'm quite impressed with what we did manage to accomplish but it's still frustrating to be set up for failure. I'm not sure the manager who wrote up the plan was aware that it was an improbable proposition but I will be glad to have my grocery manager and regularly scheduled hours back for next weeks' Thursday shift.
I have this surreal feeling like my life just keeps pressing on even though I don't really feel a part of it. I'd say it's like a runaway train but it's not really like that at all, it's like gently floating down a river in an inner tube but not really knowing exactly what's around the next corner or hiding under the surface of the water. It's a very gentle ride but I'm not so sure that not having some kind of control over it is a good thing. It's one thing to go with the flow it's another thing all together to get carried away by it.
I haven't really had goals in mind in a while and I was hoping that the program would help me set my sites on them. It really is a very Toronto based program though which is quite obviously necessary because most people are coming from there but also not very relevant to me.
I'm still waiting on hearing back from CAMH. I'm hoping on possibly getting a reference for a specialist that I can have my family doctor refer me to for hormones that I can cut CAMH right out of the hormone process but that would still mean commuting somewhere, although that's the case any way that I look at the situation anyway.
I won't make any promises on updates during November although it seems like when I say that the exact opposite thing happens and suddenly not only am I writing my 1,667 words for nano but I'm also going crazy writing personal updates as well.
